She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
