I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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