thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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