I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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