Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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