I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Randomize
