I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
