So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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