I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
