When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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