Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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