there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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