the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
