addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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