Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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