made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
