Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
