every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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