I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
