apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
