I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize