I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize