Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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