I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
