Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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