Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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