So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
