Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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