Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so much tequila, so little girl.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
