soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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