Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
