my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
