By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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