I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you didnt know i had herpes?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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