hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
