If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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