Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
