I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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