Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
