party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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