you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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