i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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