I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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