i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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