I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
