my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
