its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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