..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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