that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
