i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize