I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Randomize
