I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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