before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
