ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
