I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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