Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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