What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
