just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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