I cannot find my penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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