If i could tip my vagina, i would.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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