I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
