I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
