now i know why i became what i already was.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
