you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
