You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
