Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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