if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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