He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
