The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
