Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
