He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
