cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
