Umm I'm too high to move.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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