There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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