Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
