I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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