I CAN MOONWALK!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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