I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
this hospital has no fireball
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
