My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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