I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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