So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
