I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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