what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
