I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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