'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
two words...techno handjob
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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