Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
