well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
