Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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