He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize